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ChrisPope

101 uses for a frosty cup of Soylent Smoothee

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It happens to be both a powerful laxative and a potent aphrodisiac. Unfortunately, you never really know which side effect you're going to get till it's too late.

 

It makes your urine glow in the dark should your bathroom light suddenly malfunction.

 

It will blend.

 

When mixed with gelatin, it becomes a great trap for Andromedan game designers.

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More of a slogan:

 

Some people get their just deserts. Others get Soylent Smoothee.

 

(Obviously, would be even better if I had the balls to type "desserts", but I can see my English teacher looking at me funny.)

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More of a slogan:

 

Some people get their just deserts. Others get Soylent Smoothee.

 

(Obviously, would be even better if I had the balls to type "desserts", but I can see my English teacher looking at me funny.)

 

... or you could explicitly pun with it: "Just desserts for everyone!"

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(Gary Owens voice) "Wow, it's a genuine Soylent Smoothee  machine, with that fresh burst of NENERGY that's all the rage these days. Perfect for those days where you need a pick-me-up, when you feel a little.. less human than normal. You've never figured out why only the hardcore drink these, but because of that, it's handy for putting off people you want to put off. That reminds me, if your obnoxious apartment neighbour sees you drinking one, he might think twice before letting his pet miniature Orat acid spray on your mecha-tulips.. AGAIN."


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Uses:

 

Reverse the effects of pain relievers 

 

Reanimating deceased worms

 

Back alley botox

 

Bleach substitute 

 

Bonus Warnings:

 

Should not be consumed by pregnant woman

 

Some consumers may need an eye exam after consumption

 

consumer may notice sentient growths, its best not to engage them in conversation

 

consume on an empty stomach, contact with food may cause minor explosions

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Great for removing tribble stains off the bathroom walls.

 

The only beverage that can remove skid marks better than you.

 

Fantastic for removing linoleum flooring.

 

Very effective at pacifying a tribe of cannibals.

 

Great source of protein for post workout recovery.

 

The only drink proven to protect humans from nuclear fallout.

 

The only drink that can trigger a disaster in your bowels worst then Chernobyl.

 

Excellent for emergency rations since it has a longer shelf life than twinkies.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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