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Johnathon

The Andromedans

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The credibility of the Spaceventure... venture... took another pounding this morning, hitting the lowest point ever known in Kickstarter history (what!!!???). It has declined exponentially since 2012, and this Earthling thinks it's time to speak up for the Andromedans, as the most dumbfoundingly—BLAAAAT!!! –and possibly least appreciated duo in the universe.

 

 

As long as 32 years ago, when I first started to dream in 16 colors (and articulate in three-word sentences), I witnessed things you humanoids wouldn't believe: I saw defense shields guarded in breathing fire on the outskirts of Daventry; I watched fairy godmother rings glitter with a spark off the town's outskirt plains. Well, who rushed in with Ken Williams' money to save us from the GERSH FERSAK'N MONOTONOIZ known as every mainstream, genre-exhausting 'safe effort' at winning the publics' hearts (and BUCKAZOIDS!!)? The Andromedans did, that's F.A.Q.'n who!

 

 

They unleashed a swarm of re-hydrated space monkeys, door-to-door insurance salesman clones, the Sariens, and the Gippazoid. Today, the bottom inches (in hand) of the mobile land is 5 (FIVE!) and no one has lent a neuron to break us out. The Milky Way, Caladan, and to a lesser extent, Pluto, were yanked out of the monotony of medieval fantasy by the Andromedans who poured in buckazoids upon buckazoids (of Ken Williams' money) and risked other buckazoids in lawsuit threats. No players today are even paying any interest to the potential (latent... maybe) these "Guys" still have for the Milky Way.

 

 

When Earnon was in danger of flushing down the black hole that would have become of its star in 2908, it was Roger Wilco who stopped it up (thanks to the Andromedans), and his reward was to be insulted and dwindled on the XOS 4. And I was there--I played that. When distant worlds are hit by otherworldly shakedown, it's the Andromedans that hurry in to help. Cluck Y'egger, SpaceVenture is one of the most recent examples.

 

 

So far, this year, the gaming community has been apathized with 19 flops. The Andromedans have come to help.

 

 

Vohaul's Plan, the Gippazoid Novelty, all pumped buckazoids upon buckazoids of... buckazoids... into discouraged worlds. And now, gaming playas be bitch'n 'bout those pestilent, money-mongering Andromedans.

 

 

Now, I'd like to see just one of those worlds that is gloating over the corrosiveness of the Andromedan buckazoid build its own Mallard. Come on now, you; let's hear you craft your own, memorable dialogue lines. Does any world in the cosmos have a ship to equal the Deltaur, the Goliath, or the SCS Heinz 57? If so, why don't they warp them? Why do all intergalactic lines except Kerona serve Andromedan Draft? Why does no other galaxy in the cosmos even consider putting a man or a woman (or one of ‘dem Spiny Alien Thangs) into orbital bungee jumping?

 

 

You talk about Arakeen technocrazoiz and you get the peculiar groove. You talk about Delta Burksilonian technocrazoiz and you get over-developed hair dryers. You talk about Andromedan technocrazoiz and you find Spiny Alien Thangs going to the moon with you, not once, but several times, and safely home again (if you remembered to "save the game early and often"). You talk about scandals and the Andromedans put theirs right on Kickstarter's page for everybody to look at--so what's the problem...? Even the buckazoid bilkers are not pursued and hounded. They're right here in our systems in the G6. Most of them, unless they're breaking Xenonian laws, are getting Andromedan buckazoids from Ma and Pa at home to spend over here.

 

 

When the Andromedans get out of this bind--as they will--who could blame them if they said "the Hogz Azz Nebula with the rest of the universe. Let somebody else craft the game. Let somebody else excavate and create Pinkunz quarries, or design alien life forms that won't otherwise appear in fan games. When the spaceways of Earnon, the Milky Way, and... Poultra... were breaking down from space decay, it was the Andromedans who rebuilt them. When the Pestulonian Wormhole was broken by the New Sequel Police (er... will have been broken), nobody'll BLATZ'n near go near it--except for the Andromedans.

 

 

I can name to you 7 times when the Andromedans delegated aid to the help of other life forms in trouble (okay, so on one of these occasions it was to the help of themselves... so give them a break already, yeesh!) Can you name to me even one time when someone else raced to the Andromedans in trouble (not counting the one time when they themselves wrote someone else to race to their own aid! Ok, so admittedly "race" is hardly the word)? I don't think there was outside help even during the D.U.D. planetshake.

 

 

Our 'Guys' have faced it alone, and I'm one Earthling who is the PLEIADES sick of hearing them kicked around! They'll come out of this thing with their snouts thumbed high. And when they do, they're entitled to flaunt however many lindecs of flanger are observed in their species at all those worlds that are gloating over their present troubles. I hope Earth is not one of these. But there are many smug, self-righteous Earthlings.

 

 

And finally, the Andromedan Cinematron was told at its 29th Annual Hogscar Awards, this morning, that it is broke.

 

 

This year's delays--with the years' delays preceding it--has taken a toll on our patience. And nobody, but nobody, will help.

 

 

But the Andromedans will.

 

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