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  1. I could make an icon, but it would be quite awful. Maybe you'll like the idea alone, or maybe someone else will be inspired by my juvenile sense of humor. TabletToilet or iToilet or Toilet 2.0 or whatever, you get the idea "For when you have to go, on the go! Instructions: Place tablet on floor, squat, release and enjoy!." Reviews: 5 star: "Wow! Amazing, best app!" 1 star: "Didn't work, huge mess." 1 star: "Scam, is just ad for electronics cleaning service."
  2. Soylent Smoothee™ is great for repairing pesky holes in both tires and humans. Just spread a small amount liberally over the puncture, wait a moment for it to harden and then reinflate with your favorite gas. Warning: Soylent Smoothee™ is not a permanent fix. Please head to a repair center as soon as possible after applying Soylent Smoothee™! Lost in space with no ice? Try mixing Soylent Smoothee™ with your favorite liquor and get that party started! To fix a vacuum that's lost suction, simply Rub Soylent Smoothee™ vigorously along the shaft until it's good and hard. Wait 30 seconds, then wipe off the excess. Friends want to live vicariously through you? Just send them off to the Soylent Smoothee™ factory and we'll send you back a crate of our finest. Pour one whole cup of Soylent Smoothee™ over the nearest space police officer. It's a fun way to get out of a traffic ticket. Consumption of Soylent Smoothee™ is a great alternative to doctor assisted suicide for 99.99% of all lifeforms! Sorry you .01-percenters, this time you lose. *I think the first and last are the funniest ones, and could easily be reduced to just their initial clauses which is probably funnier in most contexts.
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