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101 uses for a frosty cup of Soylent Smoothee


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Not as good as it sounds. The viscosity is lower than you might think. In reality it's just a chilled variation of the lubricant used in old hyperdrive cores with all of the grimy qualities. It also tends to leave a slimy residue that takes fourteen years to pass through your system. On the plus side, if you're ever stranded on a desert planet it makes a great permanent cooling agent when applied directly to the skin. For some added fun, its luminescent appearance makes it a great way to freak out your friends into thinking you're radioactive!


"When crunchy just isn't gross enough."


The lesser-known eleventh ingredient in Grog XD.

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Everyone knows Soylent Smoothie is people.  When released from its cryo cup, it can:


- set off life sign detectors

- scare monsters

- take orders communicated to it through its straw

- shapeshift into animals, plants, shapes of organic keys

- activate biological security panels

- seek its brethren by climbing toward a vat of Soylent sludge, ruining equipment and barriers in its path


Naturally, once empty, the cryo cup can be used to:


- capture small fast-moving animals or robots

- carry radioactive rods or other small hot objects

- manufacture ice cubes from a coffee dispenser

- put Little Lord Galgafrans the Complainer in stasis until he can be smuggled into the senate chamber and released to annoy the High Council


It sounds like you're more interested in advertising slogans/product warnings than puzzle ideas, but maybe it's helpful to know that these ideas are obvious enough to use for puzzles. If they occurred to me, they'll probably occur to the average player.

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These are slogans, so if you have to alter them to make them work, then make it so.


Soylent Smoothee: It'll clean the pores your dermatologist would never dare!

Soylent Smoothee: If the taste doesn't shut the kids up, the behind-the-scenes documentary is sure to!

Soylent Smoothee: Apply to your doors and windows and you'll never hear from burglars again! (Warning: Be sure to allow 8-10 years before using doors or windows again.)

Soylent Smoothee: It's usually green!

Soylent Smoothee: It'll clean that unsightly rust off your bumper, and it'll clean that unsightly bumper off your ship!

Soylent Smoothee: Recharges batteries in seconds flat!

Soylent Smoothee: Use it as an impromtu GPS - Soylent Smoothee always remembers the way home! Always.

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Soylent Smoothee™ is great for repairing pesky holes in both tires and humans. Just spread a small amount liberally over the puncture, wait a moment for it to harden and then reinflate with your favorite gas. Warning: Soylent Smoothee™ is not a permanent fix. Please head to a repair center as soon as possible after applying Soylent Smoothee™!


Lost in space with no ice? Try mixing Soylent Smoothee™ with your favorite liquor and get that party started!


To fix a vacuum that's lost suction, simply Rub Soylent Smoothee vigorously along the shaft until it's good and hard. Wait 30 seconds, then wipe off the excess.


Friends want to live vicariously through you? Just send them off to the Soylent Smoothee factory and we'll send you back a crate of our finest.


Pour one whole cup of Soylent Smoothee™ over the nearest space police officer. It's a fun way to get out of a traffic ticket.


Consumption of Soylent Smoothee™ is a great alternative to doctor assisted suicide for 99.99% of all lifeforms! Sorry you .01-percenters, this time you lose.


*I think the first and last are the funniest ones, and could easily be reduced to just their initial clauses which is probably funnier in most contexts.

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This product is registered as a class 4 intestinal lubricant.


Made from 100% organic people.


Severe internal injuries can occur if this product is forced into body cavities.


Warning: Do not reuse this container to store beverages.


Do not use if allergic to Soylent!


For indoor or outdoor use only!


Do not place this product into any electronic equipment. 

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Wow, Soylent Green! You haven't seen one of these in years. Not since the Xenon Food and Drug Administration found it to contain 99% sugar, 1% MDMA...


Uses for it?


The stuff itself is quite ghastly, but the cup can be used as a bird feeder.


If you have a coaster, you can turn it into a makeshift mousetrap.


It can impregnate up to 300 invertebrate species on Kalron VI.


The straw can be used to both suck AND blow.


Legal tender in Detroit.

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Doubles as a "Human Waste Substitute" that can clog even the strongest toilet suction. Ace has called out to remove it from a number of drains.


Brain freeze causes temporary facial distortions, a concoction of different faces. If you need to not look like you. 


I heard the Soylent Smoothies now have a personalized flavor menu.

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